My Experience with Postpartum Anxiety and OCD

Hello pretties,

So this is a bit of a tough topic to talk about, but I feel it's also a really important one. You may or may not already know this, but I have been struggling a lot with anxiety and Obsession Compulsive Disorder since the birth of my son in April 2014. I did not seek help for this issue until I was 6 months postpartum, and by that time it was getting really difficult to function in every day life.

I felt on edge constantly, as if I were in a horror movie, waiting for something bad to happen at all times. I was afraid to get into the car with someone else driving because I was constantly worried about getting into an accident. I had intrusive thoughts about the people I love dying, and had to do compulsive behaviors to keep those bad things from happening. An example of these behaviors was when I went to get a glass out of the cupboard. I saw one that reminded me of my grandmother (she has the same one) and had the thought "If I don't choose this glass, my grandmother will die." So I was forced by my intrusive thought to choose that glass, or something horrible would happen.

Every night before bed, I would check on my infant son multiple times. I would check under his crib and in his closet to make sure no one was hiding there. I always checked the lock on the door, the heaters, the stove, the windows, ect before I was able to sleep. Even after checking multiple times, I would still get out of bed to check, again and again until I felt satisfied enough to go to bed. Once in bed, I would stare at the baby monitor, watching the motion sensor go back and forth. I would obsess about the temperature in his room- is he too hot? Too cold? I was terrified of SIDS and made every precaution necessary to prevent that from happening.

After going through this for a few months, my fiance started encouraging me to speak to my doctor. I made an appointment, and remember completely breaking down crying in her office. I just wanted to feel somewhat normal again. She told me that it happens to a lot of woman after giving birth, and prescribed me an anti depressant. It was a few weeks before it started working. During those weeks I had side effects such as nausea, anxiety attacks and insomnia. Once it finally started working, I felt so much better. I still have some OCD behaviors, but nothing compared to what I had before. 

My son is now almost 15 months old and I am considering switching medication or coming off it completely. I feel like it's making it difficult to lose weight- a common symptom in a lot of anti depressants. I'm hoping I can find ways to deal with this naturally through holistic nutrition, exercise, ect. I have a doctors appt to discuss some options next week! I'll keep you updated:)

Dedreanna